[ririven]

даже не знаю с кем об этом поговорить

mum just came into my room and told me to look for a job, and that she will sit with me.

and she came later too. she asked about jobs, i said that there's no job for artist that i could do. and she said that maybe i should be a corrector. i told her again, for god know what time, that i'm a bad corrector, i suck at this. and she told me to fucking become a janitor, because it doesn't require any personal skills.

seems like mum really doesn't care. she is conserned that if i had money it would solve my problems. she is conserned that i will adapt to any job and it would be good for me.

and she also forsefully bought me a pool card, so i could go swimwith her. she didn't forse me to go get glasses. she didn't forse me to go to dantist. she didn't forse me to do art. "it's a present, 10 grand is nothing to me, just take it"

when i was crying and begging her to not buy it she just went to my pc and filled all the forms for me. she later told me that she really needed a swim pal, and "you liked it when we were swimming together 2 years ago, didn't you?" "but you liked it" "but you liked it"

"you liked it, right?"

how do people do it. how do they get jobs. how do they fit in and get used to it. i had one job and it was terrible.

i will never be able to live in this fucking world. very sad, alexa, how to kill yourself?